What's Going On?
by TheNightsTerror
Summary: Hikaru is surprised when Kaoru, out of nowhere, confesses his love. But just when things are starting to go great something happens that could tear the Hitachiin twins apart. Not to mention the annoying new Host who has his eyes on Kaoru. Hitachiincest.
1. Beginning

**A/N: This is a Shonen Ai (Boy Love Story) and contains, beware, twincest. If you don't like it, then don't read any farther. I'm going to rate this M, just in case I do something in future chapters. The main coupling will be HikaXKao . . . and this is from Hikaru's P.O.V. Enjooooy~!**

**Oh and Disclaimer: I do _not _Own Ouron Highscool Host club, or any of the characters from it.**

**Prologue:**

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><p>"Hikaru," I heard Kaoru whisper behind me and I turned around, a smile bracing my face. I was expecting to see my twin smiling, his eyes shining, but I didn't. Kaoru's eyelashes were wet with tears and his eyes looked so sad. I didn't know what to do, but I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Kaoru was hurt. Whoever did this to him would die; I would make sure of it.<p>

"Kaoru! What happened?" I asked, reaching out a hand to pull him to my chest and hug him. His hair smelled like that strawberry shampoo that he always used, a smell that always identified with my twin.

"Nothing," He sniffed. Even if he hadn't been crying I would have known it was a lie. I was a bit alarmed that he would actually lie to me, considering we told eachother everything, but I didn't think about that. I just hugged him closer and he snuggled his face into my shoulder. I could feel his tears leaking down his face, dripping onto my skin.

"Kaoru... Please tell me what's wrong," I whispered, a tear falling down my own cheek in a sign of how easily my twin could affect me. If this was anyone else I probably would have teased them, but it hurt to see him this way. Of _course_ it did, he was my twin. My brother. I loved him, it was only natural.

Kaoru raised his head and looked me in the eyes, his eyes shining with a desperate pain that I hated to see. Suddenly he pushed forward, locking our lips and closing his eyes. I didn't know what to do, he surprised me - or that's how I justified it - so I kissed him back. My mind worked faster then I would have known possible, seeking out any answer to his pain, or his actions, but I couldn't think of a thing. I felt Koaru tense and he pulled away, looking down suddenly.

I lifted his chin with a finger, and looked into his eyes, stubborn about getting an answer. "_Tell me_."

Kaoru's bottom lip quivered and he spoke,"Hikaru, I'm horrible. I can't do this, I shouldn't be allowed to."

I was about to interrupt him to ask him what he meant, when he spoke;

"I love you, Hikaru!"


	2. Perfect

**A/N**

**Thank you everyone who favorited my story! I meant to update this earlier, but all I have is my brother's crappy little laptop that has a sticky keyboard. It sucks, but since I love you all, I will write! Enjoy. Keep in mind that this is unbeta'd.**

**Oh yeah, and ****Disclaimer****: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or any of it's characters. The only thing that is mine, is the story-line here.**

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><p>I yawned and looked at Kaoru, who was lying next to me in a ball. I couldn't believe him, actually being able to <em>sleep <em>after what happened last night. After telling me that he _loved _me. It wasn't fair! I hadn't been able to sleep at all, which only added to my irritation.

I guess I wasn't really mad at him - if anything I was frustrated at myself, because I had actually _enjoyed _kissing him. Not that I'd ever tell him that. I was too stubborn to admit it.

I closed my eyes for a second and let out a sigh. When I opened my eyes again I saw Kaoru looking at me. My features immediately softened, all anger flooding from my body. Yep, it was me that I was mad at. I could never be mad at Kaoru, no matter what he did.

Kaoru trembled and looked away from me, making my eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"Hey.. What's wrong?" There couldn't be anything _still_ bothering him, could there? I didn't think I could handle it if there was.

Kaoru defiantly kept looking away from me, denying me the promise of his golden eyes. I sighed again and stuck my hand out, pulling his face toward my own so that he couldn't look away.

"Kaoru?" I asked once again, studying his eyes.

He didn't answer.

I didn't know what to do, and why _shouldn't_ I do this? After all, he had done it to me first. I couldn't find any reason _not _to do it anyways or at least any reason that bothered me, so I leaned forward and connected our lips. I felt Kaoru stiffen in surprise, but immediately he responded, climbing onto me and deepening the kiss.

His hands trailed down my body and went up my shirt, tracing my stomach. I gasped into the kiss, and I swore I heard Kaoru laugh. The sneaky little bastard.

When the kiss broke Kaoru grinned brightly at me, and I rolled my eyes. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong now, Kaoru?"

He blushed suddenly, and I couldn't help but admire how the flush complimented his features. But something made me curious too, because Kaoru looked almost... guilty. What could he possibly have done that he'd feel guilty about- Oh.. Maybe he had planned all of this. Did he really know me so well, that he could predict my actions like that?

"Nii-chan," Kaoru whispered, "I did something bad."

I laughed.

He morphed his smile into a pout and stared at me, looking playfully affronted. "What are you laughing at?"

I rolled over, pinning Kaoru underneath me. His gasp only fueling me more, as I smashed my lips against his, successfully starting another kiss. I didn't know why I was doing any of this, but it felt right, so it couldn't be bad. Right?

Kaoru bit my bottom lip, showing just how sadistic my little brother actually was. I let out a small noise that made Kaoru freeze and pull away to look at me, his smile and eyes showing amusement.

"Hikaru.. Did you... just_ moan_?"

My eyes widened slightly and I tried to fight the blush that heated my face. How did Kaoru do this to me? Why did my body react like this? Blushing was something that I never did. Ever. It was a rule of the universe that no one questioned.

"No, I didn't!" I mentally cursed myself for stuttering, and looked away from Kaoru's amused eyes.

"Nii-chan, does biting turn you on?"

I spluttered, absolutely surprised by how blunt Kaoru was being. Wasn't it _my_ job to tease _him_?

"It does, doesn't it?" Kaoru said, a satisfied smile covering his face.

I kissed him again to shut him up, slowly moving from his lips to his neck, and biting down lightly until I heard a small moan come from him.

"See, I'm not the only one who enjoys it, am I?" I whispered into his ear, not waiting for a reply as I bit down on his neck again teasingly, running my tongue over his skin.

I felt Kaoru's hands on my chest, trying, in weak attempts, to push me away. I unlatched myself from his neck and pulled away, this time I was the one grinning.

"Kaoru, could you possibly be _turned on_ by this?" I asked, copying him and smiling even wider when I saw how successful it was.

"Shut up," Kaoru murmured before pushing me off of him and covering his face with his pillow.

I laughed, "You're such a sore loser, _Nii-chan._" I used Kaoru's words, satisfied at how they sounded.

A couple of silent minutes passed, where I idly trailed my fingers over Kaoru's arm, finally entangling our fingers, only just taking note of how perfect our hands fit together, and lying down beside him.

"Kaoru?"

He moved the pillow from his face and discarded it, putting his head on my chest instead. After all, I _was_ his pillow.

"Yeah?"

I stayed silent for a moment longer and thought about what I was about to say.

"I love you, too."

To me, the words sounded beautiful, and right... Because I _did_ love Kaoru. I had always known that – we had grown up at each other's sides, constantly supporting one another, but I had never put much thought into the feeling.

I had never realized how _far_ the love went.

I didn't mind, either.


	3. Iridescent

**A/N: Same as always.. Aha, forgive me for not updating in ages, but I am going to **_**attempt**_******to update more, so cut me some slack, yeah? Uhm.. Yeah.**

**Disclaimer: I, of course, do not own Ouran High School Host Club, or any character from them. If I did, I would not be writing this story on FANFICTION, anyways.. because I wouldn't be a fan.. I'd be the author. RIGHT THEN!**

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><p>Once again I was lying in bed next to a warm ball that was my younger brother. He was curled up against my side and looked so cute that it was insane. We may look identical, but it was the small differences that mattered – the expressions and emotions on the face that made things stand out.<p>

Running a hand through his hair, I let out a small breath and closed my eyes, getting ready to fall into a deep sleep. Until I felt Kaoru's hand creeping up my side and sliding over my stomach. I sat straight up and met his eyes, completely surprised. He was smirking at me and I swear I saw him roll his eyes.

"Calm down, Nii-chan," he cooed, making me glare at him. My brother was such a— Ugh! I didn't even know.

And what's worse?

_I loved him._

"Be quiet," I muttered, lying back down and pulling him close to me. Suddenly I was smirking. I put a hand on his cheek to keep him from pulling away from me or looking away from me. Then our lips met again and it was magic. It was perfect. It started out like a normal sweet kiss and then suddenly things were heating up. My hands trailed down his chest and rested at his hips. I felt him gasp more than I heard it. But he didn't pull away.

His hands went to rest behind my neck and pulled me closer to him, our chests now plush against each other.

Things were too intense—I couldn't get enough of him and things were getting too hot. I was on fire and everywhere that his skin touched mine the burning multiplied.

Somehow I had ended up kissing Kaoru's neck, and he was making delicious noises that just made the fire burn hotter. Before I knew it my hand was sliding down Kaoru's pants and folding around his hardened length. His eyes were half-lidded with lust and his breathing was coming out in little puffs, making him look all the cuter.

"Nng! Hikaru," he began, gasping again when I started moving my hand, doing anything to hear those noises again.

Kaoru's back arched and I couldn't help but smirk again. He was so energetic, even during something like this. It was truly amazing.

But then suddenly Kaoru's hands were on my chest and were pushing me away, and he was staring at the mattress, taking deep breaths. What just happened?

"Kaoru?" I said, looking at him worriedly.

His only reply was a shake of the head and I stared at him with wide eyes. Had I done something wrong? What happened? What was he doing?

I crawled forward and tried to bring him into a hug, but this time he pushed me away with more force, and he somehow ended up off the bed with his back to me and his head leaning against the wall.

I stared at him with complete surprise. He had never been violent with me. That's now how we were. We didn't do that. Why had he done that?

A thousand questions were going through my mind, but the most evident thought was how much that had hurt.

It didn't hurt physically, no. But Kaoru had denied me. He had pushed me away. It wasn't the denial, really—I could get over that. I would never push him into something he didn't want to do. But still, rejection hurt. I swallowed hard and stood up, walking to the door and pausing at the exit, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

He remained silent.

"Goodnight Kaoru," I whispered, my voice very quiet and strained. I didn't get how something so little could hurt me so much, but it_ did_ hurt. A lot.

With that said I turned away and walked from the room, hoping with all of my heart that Kaoru would follow me and tell me what was bothering him. That he would tell me he loved me and that he wouldn't let whatever was on his mind get between us. I wanted to kiss his strawberry lips and hear him promise that it would always be him and I. The twins. Together.

...

He never did, and that night I slept alone for the first time in my life.


	4. Complications

**Well. I haven't been here in exactly 2 months and a day. Wow. I'm sorry about that everyone, OTL. I've been busy. You all didn't miss me too much, did you? No. Probably not. I suck. B|**

**Anyways.**

**Disclaimer: Ouran Highschool Host Club clearly does not belong to TheNightsTerror. She is just a loser otaku who enjoys writing about the show. Enjoy.**

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><p>Everything went blank after that. I'm not sure if our mansion had ever seemed empty to me before, but during the following weeks it did. It was loud, busy, filled... but it was empty. I felt as if I was the only one there. It just wasn't the same anymore, not without Kaoru. He was there, yes, but I hardly ever saw him. On the rare occasions that we actually did bump into each-other in the vast hallways his eyes would widen and he would retreat, leaving me feeling as empty and rejected as I had the very first day.<p>

School was basically the only place that I ever saw him, or that he actually ever paid attention to me. As soon as we walked into Ouran everything seemed normal. He would grin, laugh, joke with the other students, and hang around at my side as usual. It wasn't the same. His eyes weren't in it and I knew I was the only person who could tell. Something was bothering him. Something was going on inside his mind, some fight that I just didn't understand. And he wouldn't let me help him.

Maybe that's what hurt me so badly, the fact that he was disregarding me.

Some days I would wonder how he managed sleeping in a different room than me, but that would just leave me hurting more. His sadness had always been able to hurt me. We were close, we always had been, and his pain mixing with mine was more than I could handle.

I spent most of the days at our mansion sitting in a soft, comfy chair, not wanting to go into my room — a room that, without Kaoru beside me, brought terrors. I just sat and sat and sat with nothing else to do. Even at school I'd find myself staring off into space randomly, trying my best to mix reality with memories. Trying my best to trick myself into believing that my brother wasn't doing this to me, that instead he was waiting for me, grinning like the adoring, plotting little Hitachiin he was. Finally, one day, someone brought me spiraling out of my little cracked world.

Of course that person had to be none other than Haruhi Fujioka, the person that I least wanted to see.

Why didn't I want to see her?

It was simple, really.

Out of all the time I had spent zoning out the past couple of weeks, no one had noticed a difference. No one except the ever observant girl in our host club. I had occasionally caught her staring at me and Kaoru, a concentrated expression on her face, as if she were trying very hard to solve a puzzle that she just didn't have all the pieces for.

I never paid that much mind, sure that since Kaoru was leaving me everyone else would. I didn't expect her to do what she did.

I was sitting on the floor in music room number three, my back leaning against the wall, staring off into space once again, and waiting for Tamaki to dismiss us. I wasn't even paying attention to a word of his rant, or taking any of the chances that I normally would to tease him. Instead I just stared. I didn't even notice Haruhi sit herself down on the ground next to me, and fixate me with a hard look. I continued staring and wasn't even sure how long she sat there next to me.

I wasn't aware enough to understand anything when I saw her finally stand up, grab my wrist, and drag me out of the room, that same strange look on her face.

Maybe I should have started paying attention then, but I didn't. I didn't come back to reality fully until I felt the wind against my face and then felt the stinging impact of her hand hitting me. I blinked at her, clearing my vision, and then finally comprehending the situation. My hand flew up to my face and I covered the stinging skin, a bit of the old me bringing a reaction out of me.

I couldn't help myself from shouting.

"What's your problem?" I half asked, half screamed at her, my voice sounding weak from not having been used often enough recently. Apparently my voice confirmed something in her mind, because to me it looked like she had finally decided on something.

"It's Kaoru, isn't it?" Her voice has a strange tint of anger to it that I just didn't understand.

My mouth opened, ready to shout something else at her, but then it closed again, repeating that process a few times before finally I just sighed. "It always is."

She nodded once, as if she had been expecting that answer, and she met my eyes, a fierce look in her eyes.

"Stay here," she ordered, before turning her back on me and walking off. I was too caught up in my thoughts to even disobey her. Now that I was thinking again, I felt the pain bubbling up in my chest, hurting me all over again, making me remember that night with a new sense of awareness. It made everything seem more real.

"Haruhi, where are you bringing me?"

I reacted to the voice before I even knew what was happening, and my heart sped up just as I saw an annoyed Kaoru walking by Haruhi's side. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. When had things become like this? When had I started being the one who reacted to him so badly? Hadn't I used to be the sibling in charge? When I think about it, no.. Not really. My younger brother had always been the more mature one, the smarter one.. The one who always thought things through.

"Kaoru.." The word came out of my mouth before I could help myself, and I saw his golden eyes flash to me, widen for a moment, and then narrow. If it hadn't been for his trembling lips I would have thought he hated me.

The thing that surprised me most, though, was what Haruhi did then. She marched over to me, dragging Kaoru behind her, dropped his arm and turned to me. She tugged on my shirt collar and her lips met my own... Only for a second, but long enough to make Kaoru flinch behind her. I yanked away automatically and saw the knowing look in her eyes.

"What—?" Kaoru and I spoke simultaneously for the first time since this long silence had begun, but before we could continue Haruhi cut us off.

"You aren't as brave as you think you are, Kaoru, so stop hurting yourself. Did you know that you've been hurting him too?" She gestured toward me with one hand, and I stared at them with wonder, not understanding a single thing that they were saying. "He's been hurting. You know he has. And now you know that you can't do what you've been trying to do.. You can't break away."

She left then, leaving me feeling utterly confused, though judging by my twin's expression he understood exactly everything that she had just said.

He turned to me slowly and I was able to see his eyes clearly now. I had been expecting that guarded look again, but instead I received a vulnerable, guilty, hurt expression that would probably haunt me for the rest of my life. Maybe it was habit that made me move, but I didn't care. Before a second had passed I pulled him into my arms, and yet another thing clicked inside of me. It felt as if I came to life again. Really, I was nothing without my brother.

He returned the hug for a long while and after standing there for what must have been forever, he pulled back just enough to brush his lips against mine.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and I was sure that I saw a tears sparkling in his eyes when he finally opened them.

Then he said something I didn't want to hear. Something I never really expected to come from his mouth.

"Hikaru... _Just leave me alone_!"

Wasn't there a saying once, about how clean breaks are less painful than rough ones?

I disagree.


	5. Still Confused

**A/N**

**Well, I'm doing a bit better with updating I think. I'm here, aren't I? **

**Anyways. I've gotton in the mood for HikaKao love again, so look forward to updates being quicker. I hope you guys don't get impatient with me, and Happy Easter!**

**Enjoy.**

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><p>There would be a new student enrolling at OuranAcademy. To be honest, I had no idea why everyone seemed to be excited about it. We'd had new students before — in fact, we got them quite often. But that didn't calm the ever buzzing excited atmosphere that was Ouran. Even at the Host Club, the girls were talking about it.<p>

But do you know what's even more ironic? Even though that was the only thing I had been hearing about for the past two days I just _didn't_ care. I hadn't even paid enough attention to the talk to discern whether the student was a girl or a boy, let alone why they were so excited. I could barely hear the annoying drone of their voices in the background.

Actually, to be even more honest, the only reason I had realized we were getting a new student was because of the awful announcement Tamaki made.

But maybe I should explain why the announcement in particular had gotten through to me in a little more detail by beginning with how things where at the end of the school day — when I first walked into Music Room Three.

The walk to the host club was as painful as ever. I remember when it used to be enjoyable to make that walk. That distance from class to the music room was a time when Kaoru and I would talk about our plots — ideas that we would come up with to entertain ourselves, words that we could use to tease Tamaki, or even small ways to harass Haruhi. It didn't seem like much at the time, but I remembered those moments painfully clear, the small tap of footsteps echoing in the hall seeming to stab at me with each sound — as if the sound itself was going out of its way to hurt me.

What made it so painful?

The fact that Kaoru was walking right next to me, as usual. We hadn't really been around each other after our last conversation. Every time I would decide that I was going to corner him and ask what his problem was, he would be gone, and I would find out that he had already left school, that he had called up one of our other drivers. It was amazing seeing to what extents he would go to avoid me.

But I had gotten used to that, at least as much as I could, so that's not what bothered me the most. It was Kaoru's expression. It was conflicted, as if he were in pain. He looked confused and I even saw his eyes sparkle from what I thought were tears.

Is it foolish of me to want those tears to mean that he misses me, too? It is stupid, I know it, because how could he miss me? He was the one pushing me away.

"Kaoru..?"

I don't know why I said his name, but I regretted speaking as soon as I saw him flinch, as if my voice physically hurt him. That thought alone was enough to torment me.

"Kaoru?" This time I had a reason behind speaking, though it hurt me no less to see my younger (if only by a couple of seconds) brother's lips tremble. Did he really hate to be around me so much that it was painful for him?

"What do you want?" Even though his words were soft, almost hesitant, to me they sounded like he was shouting.

"Do I have to have a reason to speak to my twin?" I asked, doing my best to lace sarcasm into my voice. It really wasn't too hard, considering the small bubble of irritation starting to bubble in me.

I saw him frown out of the corner of my eye and it took him a moment to answer. "I told you to stay away from me." Was I imagining things or was his voice weak? If he wanted me to leave him alone so badly then why couldn't he be strong about it? Why could he make me believe him?

"What would you do if I were to say that I didn't want to stay away from you, Kaoru?"

"That's reason enough for you to stay away!" This time it was me who flinched at his words, amazed that he could be so blunt with me. Hadn't I been the only person who never harmed him his whole life?

"That doesn't make sense, you know..."

"You're being childish."

"So are you."

It was silent for a while after that and my heart ached at the distance between him and I.

Kaoru was looking determinedly ahead, a stubborn expression adorning his cute face. It was strange that he could still look so innocent, while acting so weirdly. I sighed and was just opening my mouth to speak again when I was interrupted by — again — the person I least wanted to see.

"Oh, you guys are here?"

Now, to say that I understood Haruhi Fujioka would be a lie. The girl completely confused me; she did so many things that I couldn't explain (like dressing up as a boy, for example). But to be honest I had thought that I was starting to get her, so I was completely baffled at her question.

There she was, standing in front of the door to Music Room Three, books piled in her hands, staring at us.

"I thought you were smart, Haruhi." Maybe not the best thing to say, but I wasn't exactly known for being shy.

"Huh?"

"Well, I mean, you have to have some sort of brain to get a scholarship, right? So why are you asking such a stupid question? Of course we're here. This _is _the host club, you know," I said dully, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of her. She just continued staring at me with that strange expression of hers, though I almost thought I saw Kaoru smile beside me — before immediately frowning again and looking away.

I don't hate Haruhi. I admire her. I may be angry with her for getting me into that situation with Kaoru last time, but I don't hate her. So after a bit of silence — since she didn't answer me — I succumbed to my emotions, and sighed guiltily.

"Hey—"

"Forget it, Hikaru," she said suddenly, surprising me again. "I was only asking in the first place because the club activities got delayed today. Years two and three are going on some sort of field trip. Club won't be starting for an hour and I was going to take the extra time to study."

...

"Oh."

"Anyways, would you mind if I spoke to Kaoru for a moment?"

"Go ahead."

This time it was Haruhi who sighed, though I'd known her long enough to notice the small upturn of her mouth, meaning that she was amused. "Alone."

"Oh," I said again, blinking a few times at her before my brain starting working again, and I dismissed them with a small "sure", watching as they starting walking away from me. They only walked for a little bit and though I kept my eyes on them, I was admittedly shocked to hear their voices drifting back down to me. I couldn't hear every word, but it was still unexpected.

"What?" I made out Kaoru ask.

"Did you," Haruhi's voice cut out, and I was shameful enough to take a few discreet steps forward so that I could hear again. "Hikaru yet?"

I froze; interested to know why they were discussing anything that had to do with me. Especially now that Kaoru was avoiding me..

"No," I heard Kaoru reply curtly, though his voice held a bit of sadness, "And I'm not going to."

"You're a masochistic fool."

"No, I'm not! I just don't want to... I don't want to do that to Hikaru."

"_It'd be better than hurting him like this_!"

Was Haruhi actually irritated with Kaoru? It sounded like it, though that just didn't make sense. None of this made sense and the small bit of their conversation that I had heard was actually starting to irritate me. Couldn't they just make _more_ sense? Damn it.

"Hey Haruhi," I called, too confused to address Kaoru, "I'm going to wait inside the club, alright?"

I turned my back on them and went into the room without waiting for her reply, trying to figure out what I could of their conversation — trying to ignore the small bit of guilt that was nagging at me for eavesdropping on them. But really...

What didn't Kaoru want to do to me?

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><p>"So I'm sure you've all heard about the new student joining Ouran," Kyouya said, adjusting his glasses and fixing us all with an icy look. "But there's something in particular that Tamaki wants to inform you all of, and to be honest it's probably one of the smartest things he's ever come up with — especially since we haven't been making as much money as we usually do." With his last words he gave Kaoru and I a particularly hard look, as if the decrease in money had been our fault.<p>

Which... It probably had been.

The strain between Kaoru and I had been so much that even our guests had started to notice it. Our performance wasn't as good, Kaoru seemed more distant, my words were less original... Actually, we hadn't even been able to come up with anymore acts since Kaoru started avoiding me.

Kyouya has been writing them, which may also have something to do with the decrease in earnings. He knows next to nothing about romance.

"So what is it, Tono?" I asked, glancing at Tamaki, just a bit irritated due to Kyouya's attitude. It's been like that all the time recently, actually. I've been more and more irritable without Kaoru and it was starting to become noticeable. Who knows, if Kaoru kept on doing this to me I might even end up going homicidal.

"Silence, devil!" Tamaki exclaimed, pointing at me with a shaking finger. Did he really need to act so dramatic all the time? "Daddy can't explain if you're asking questions!"

"I was only asking you to tell us— Oh, never mind," I said sourly.

"Mommy! One of our evil children is being naughty! What should I do?"

Kyouya adjusted his glasses once again and raised an eyebrow at Tamaki, almost as if questioning his sanity. Honestly, that question needed to be asked.. I was quite sure that Tamaki had lost his mind ages ago. "I'm afraid there's nothing you can do but explain, daddy."

To this day I still don't get the whole '_mommy' and_'_daddy_' thing between them.

"I see," Tamaki said, clutching at his chest stupidly, before finally saying yet another thing that I could have continued living peacefully without hearing. "The new student will be joining the host club! But no worries, my little Haruhi, he won't take you away from me! Instead he will be partnering with Hikaru and Kaoru. Kind of like a love triangle. The girls will love it!"


	6. Jealousy

**A/N**

**Surprise, surprise! I'm alive! Hope this is somewhat okay. I think I'm going to go back through the earlier chapters and edit them a bit. Nothing major, just spelling and grammatical errors that need to be corrected.  
>Anyways, enjoy~<strong>

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><p>I hissed under my breath, my eyes narrowing slightly at the sight in front of me. I didn't give a damn if Kaoru and I hadn't been talking recently, there was still no way I could handle this. No way in hell was I going to sit there and <em>watch<em> some idiot putting their hands all over him. If the tent in the new Host's pants was anything to go by, he was enjoying this _act_ far more than he should.

If I hadn't known Kaoru as well as I did I probably wouldn't have noticed the disgusted look in his eyes. He did a good job of hiding it, actually, and it seemed as if he was going out of his way to make sure that it looked as if he were happy with what was happening.

Kouichi, the new member, was actually pretty good looking. He had brunette hair (not at all as nice as Kaoru or I's), fair skin (which was still nothing on Kaoru's), and hazel eyes (you guessed it; still not as good as Kaoru's). Typical for a Japanese. The only thing that was exceptional was the way he held himself, which was with an air of confidence.

People are attracted to that, I guess.

Kaoru's head bent back, so that it was leaning against the wall, and he let out a whimper. I actually smirked, though I was still angry, because the sound was faked. Kouichi, it seemed, didn't notice. He leaned forward, pressing my twin further against the wall of the club, and captured the strawberry lips that belonged to me. They were mine. Mine. Kaoru was mine. I didn't want some disgusting Neanderthal touching him. My smirk vanished and my fist clenched at my side.

I did my best to pretend that I wasn't interested and wasn't watching every single thing that was happening, but I couldn't. This was too much. In the back of my mind I registered Haruhi looking at me with a curious expression, still as unreadable as always, and I was reminded of the conversation she and Kaoru had in the hallway. That flew from my mind, however, when I actually heard a genuine sound from my twin. It wasn't a sound of pleasure. It was a yelp.

Kaoru may seem like a masochist sometimes, but he definitely wasn't into pain. Of course I was the only one who knew that, though I wasn't even too sure when I had learned it. It just went to show that I always had paid attention to him, even before I had realized that I loved him. Kouichi had his damned mouth on my brother's neck, and a hand was down the front of his pants.

That was too much.

_Way_ too much.

I took a deep breath, shot a glare in Tamaki's direction — since in a way this was his fault — and marched over toward the two alleged lovebirds. I only stumbled once over my own two feet, which was pretty good since I was barely able to see through the anger I felt. My hand shot out and latched onto the brunette's shoulder, yanking him back. I was faintly amused to see that he looked surprised and slightly confused.

I didn't pay much more attention to that, because I was already turning to Kaoru. This time both of my hands went out, though I didn't grab onto my twin. Instead I pressed my palms to the wall on either side of his head, blocking off his escape. Was that relief in his eyes, or was I just naïve? Wait, yeah; I was just naïve. The brief flash of emotion was out of his eyes. It was silent for a minute, the eerie lack of noise making the Host Club seem empty. The girls had already left a while ago, but according to Tamaki we had needed to bond with the newest addition to the club. As if.

Kaoru opened his mouth to speak, but that was too good of an opportunity for me to pass up. I leaned forward and this time it was me who captured his lips, instead of the disgusting idiot still standing surprised behind me. It was a fierce kiss and it wasn't until my lips started moving against his in a bit of panic that I realized how much I truly had missed him. I missed him so much that it didn't even matter that he wasn't complying with the kiss, and that he had froze. It didn't matter. None of it did.

I broke away roughly, so that I could catch my breath, and looked into the golden eyes that I knew so well. Why were they filled with confusion? Why did he look as if he were fighting with himself? I sighed, a jolt of pain running through my heart. Of course I was silly to think that everything would be better after I had done this. Instead of fixing things I had opened up new wounds, as well as hurting old ones.

Right as I was about to turn away and leave the room, so that I could hide from Kaoru, hide from my shame, and maybe even hide from my pain, I felt a hand grab mine. A hand identical to my own, belonging to someone that I knew better than myself. I looked up slowly and met his eyes, though this time they didn't seem confused. Instead they seemed pained and guilty.

"Hikaru, I'm sorry..." It was a whisper, but I still heard it.

I shook my head and pulled my hand away, turning my back on the Host Club. When the large double doors to Music Room Three slammed shut, I took a deep shuddering breath, pulled out my cell phone, and sent a message. I was a coward for putting the words in text rather then saying them with my own voice, but I just couldn't handle another rejection. I couldn't. It would be far too much.

So since I was weak, weaker than I had ever thought myself to be, I pressed send. In about 5 seconds Kaoru would be getting a message telling him that I loved him, and that he didn't need to be sorry — it was me. Everything was me.

Me leaving would be justified, right? Because then Kaoru wouldn't have to avoid me, the Club wouldn't have to suffer, and I wouldn't hold anyone back. Really it was the best solution.

* * *

><p>I groaned and looked up at the blue sky. Since when did the Hitachiin family drivers take so long to get to the school? I wanted to go home. I was tired of waiting. I just wanted to go to the bed that was haunting without my twin and I wanted to close my eyes. I had a big day tomorrow. I easily had enough money to survive on my own, I already knew that.<p>

I was probably stalling, if I was being honest. I should have gone today, before I changed my mind. Instead I was going to a mansion where I knew I'd have a chance to see my twin one last time.

"Hikaru?" I flinched at the voice. It sounded out of breath, confused as always, and scared.

I turned around slowly, a weak smile on my face, and saw a figure that somehow looked identical to me. His eyes were wide, his hair disheveled because of the wind, and his lips were parted, pants coming from between them. Even then, he managed to look adorable.

"Hey, Kaoru," I said, unsure what else to do. This situation was awkward, but still I was glad to have a bit more time with him. As painful as it was.

"What are...? What did you mean? When you sent that message to me."

I rolled my eyes. Of course he'd be curious about that. One of the reasons I loved him was because of his adorable curiosity, though I admit it did cause some inconveniences. "I'm leaving."

He shook his head, letting out an impatient sigh. Apparently he had already assumed that much. "No, that's not— I mean... When you said you loved me. What did you mean?"

Confusion swept through me, and I cocked my head to the side, studying him with intent eyes. "I meant exactly what the message said. I love you. I told you that a while ago, before you..." I trailed off, the memory of rejection clear in my mind, before continuing. "I love you. More than I should... But I thought you already knew that? I told you..." My voice grew stronger, and accusation was clear within my words. "I told you everything! I love you! I still do! And yet you're pushing me away! Kaoru.. What — Did I do something? Am I disgusting? Was I wrong? I'm sorry if how I feel is sick, but I thought you.. But that was before all of this.."

Kaoru interrupted my rambling, which I was actually a bit grateful for. If he hadn't I probably would have said some worse things. "Idiot."

I froze, my confusion growing. "What?"

"You're an idiot to think I don't love you. I do. I always will. Of course I do, Hikaru.. That's why I'm doing this. For you."


	7. Heat

**A/N**

**Yay! A fast update! I think I'll be updating faster like this, actually, since I'm going on vacation to Washington in a week. I'll try to get one or two chapters out a day. But if I don't.. Well.. I'll be trying, haha!**

* * *

><p>I was frozen, pinned to the ground by confusion, and a sudden fearful feeling that this was all a misunderstanding ran through me. For me? Kaoru was doing this <em>for me<em>? Just what was that supposed to mean? He shouldn't do anything for me! I didn't care what he thought he needed to do; I wanted to be with him. I didn't care if he thought this was best for me, it was still _my_ decision. If some jacked up logic was the only thing making him avoid me, then _too bad_!

Staring into those wide identical golden eyes, I realized something. I might not always be the more mature twin, but I certainly could be sometimes. Because right now Kaoru was acting like a complete idiot.

"Ah.." I moved my gaze to the ground, still amazed that the driver was taking so long to get here. "Ah," I said again, though this time the pain in my voice was evident. I was tired of hiding how I felt from him. I was tired of it all. I missed the moments where we would both be close to each other, the times when there were no secrets. Hadn't life been easy just last week? I almost laughed, because it truly was amazing how simple it was for Kaoru to turn my life upside down.

First he had made me unbelievably happy by saying that he loved me. It had been perfect. I didn't give a damn if anyone else thought our relationship was disgusting. That was their view. That was their opinion. If they looked at our lives and thought of us as sinners, or sick, confused people, then so be it. I didn't care.

On my side of the fence it was _them_ who looked disgusting. All of their rules, all of their expectations. How could love possibly be wrong? Love was pure. It didn't matter who it was with, it was a feeling that would always shine through. The arrogant could stay in their gray world. I didn't mind. The only thing that was painful was that I was there by myself, without the person I cared for most. Kaoru shouldn't be running away from me. He shouldn't be pushing me away. If the reason was supposedly for me... Then he would have to get over that.

Decidedly I looked up again, once more meeting those eyes that were so hard to understand. I swore then and there that there was no way Kaoru and I were twins. He was just so beautiful. His auburn locks were messy and he still looked panicked, but that just added to his beauty.

I set my jaw and took a step forward, letting out a pained breath when I saw him step back. I stared into his eyes, warning him not to run — no, _begging_ him not to run. I wanted this to be over with. I wanted it to be finished. Another step forward, then another, and finally I was close enough to wrap my arms around him. I could somewhat feel Kaoru trembling, but I wasn't too sure. For all I knew that could have been me.

It still amazed me how perfectly we fit together. We fit in a way that no one else could, in a way that only twins could understand. I didn't capture his lips this time. Instead I just held him, still feeling thoroughly unsure. I seriously couldn't take another rejection. I was too scared to look into his eyes, in case I saw disgust. I was just so.. I wanted.. I wanted to be sure.

"Kaoru, you don't understand, do you?"

When I spoke, I felt him sigh against my neck, his breath fanning out against me, almost succeeding in making me smile. He didn't answer, so I continued, a finger toying with a bit of his auburn locks idly, so that I still had reason not to pull back and look into those eyes. "I love you. You're my little brother, yes — my twin. It's not disgusting... And it's_ not_ wrong. It's as simple as that. I love you. And I _hate_ this. Stop running from me. Just — _Please_."

I heard him pull in a shuddering breath and my heart ached. Why was everything so complicated? Especially when I myself still didn't understand what was going on. I closed my eyes and pulled him closer, hoping with every bit of my being that he wouldn't pull away. That he would at least give me this much.

"Hikaru, I—"

_HONK._

I cursed under my breath, glaring in the direction of the sleek black car that had pulled up next to us. The driver had to show up now of all times, right as Kaoru had been about to speak. I felt my twin disentangle himself from my arms and take a step away from me. It might have been silly, but even that small action succeeded in making me feel colder.

My mood soured and I marched forward, waiting impatiently for the driver to open the door. I didn't even bother to look at him, instead sliding into the vehicle and glaring at the roof, listening as my twin got in on the other side. I cursed again, though a bit louder this time, making Kaoru flinch. I didn't care. Why had the driver come now? Right as I was making progress? Was he determined to ruin my life?

True, I probably was overreacting, but I was just so angry! And _confused_! Not to mention hurt.

* * *

><p>I sat straight up in my bed, covered in a cold sheen of sweat. My eyes darted around the room, and my hand went out to search the bed next to me, my hand coming up empty. I furrowed my eyebrows and blinked a few times, trying to get used to the dark. "Kaoru?" Being the protective person I was, when I called out my tone was worried. Where was he? Had something happened?<p>

It was only after I had gotten off of the bed and walked to the door that I remembered everything, the memories of the past week hitting me with a sickening feeling. I groaned, leaning my head up against the surface of the door and clenched my fist. This was really starting to get out of control. Nightmares. Every night it would be the same. The same two nightmares always haunted me. I wanted my twin. I needed my twin. When I glanced back at my bed it looked so uninviting that I actually cringed.

I had no choice.

Without further ado I opened the door and shuffled through the dark hallways of the Hitachiin mansion. The servants had already been dismissed for the day, so the only people in the house were myself and Kaoru. I didn't have to worry about running into anyone. Not that I cared; the maids were already used to seeing me walk around the mansion, usually clad in nothing but a pair of boxers. They had long since gotten over nudity and I didn't care what they thought. It had never mattered before. I just didn't want to be interrupted. I wanted to be near the comforting presence that only Kaoru could bring, even while he was being confusing.

After shuffling a bit more through the halls I came to a halt in front of Kaoru's door. I hadn't been in his room since the start of all of this. Usually we slept in his room, or we took turns switching. It felt so strange sleeping without him. It felt even stranger waking up without him... I pushed that from my mind and turned the handle, opening the door just enough for me to squeeze in. After shutting it quietly, I walked slowly over to the bed and through the veil of night I could faintly make out the form of a chest rising and falling. The tempo was faster than average. Kaoru wasn't having a normal dream. Probably a nightmare.

I sat down on the corner of the mattress, watching him, deep in thought. He twisted urgently, tangling himself in the blankets, and let out a small sound. I was about to reach out and brush a bit of his hair back to soothe him when he made another sound and this time it didn't sound scared. This time he moaned, biting at his bottom lip, rolling over so that he could move his hips slightly, creating fiction against the bed; "Nnghh.."

Oh.

I hadn't expected that.

I blinked, something that I hadn't felt in a while making its way through me, crawling its way to my center. I blinked again, shaking my head. I really hadn't expected this. I had come so that I could crawl into bed with Kaoru and face tomorrow when it came. If he had nightmare than I could hopefully drive that away. I would have expected those. But coming in while Kaoru was having an erotic dream was a surprise, to say the least.

I shouldn't have been turned on, but I was. I swallowed, hoping that my self control would hold out. I could just get up now and make my way back to my room. I could take a long cold shower and pretend that nothing had happened. There was no way I was going to take advantage of my twin while he was asleep. Especially while things were the way they were.

I should have done all of those things; should have left. Instead I just continued sitting there, my breathing a bit faster than it normally was. Closing my eyes, I counted to ten, trying to block out the image of Kaoru twisting in the bed once again. That didn't help, since my mind just supplied worse images.

Damn my imagination.

But really, my mind was pretty good at coming up with things. Kaoru arching beneath me, letting out a pleasured cry. Fingers identical to my own tangling themselves in my hair... Strawberry lips moving urgently against mine... Sounds of pleasure making their way from him. I gasped, my eyes shooting open. There Kaoru was, his eyes wide open, staring at me. I was actually a bit amused to see a blush spread across his face. He really was too adorable.

"I— Hikaru.. Uhm.." His flush grew, and he buried his face in his pillow. I would have laughed, had things not been so awkward between us. Instead I crawled over to him and pulled him up so that I could look at his eyes. I could actually still see the lust in them. That was it. Too much. I crushed my lips against his, nipping at his bottom lip, my hand making it's way down to deal with his still present erection.

This time he didn't run away.


	8. Adrenaline

**A/N**

**Slightly lemon in this chapter. I decided I was going to have to add a bit more drama before I got to the super sexy part, though, so smutty scenes will more than likely be next chapter. Unless I hold it off again.. Aye, it's my story.**

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><p>When I woke up I felt like I was in heaven. It was pure bliss. For a long while I just laid there and stared up at the roof, a satisfied smile on my face. I didn't even care that I probably should have been getting ready for school. I didn't feel like doing anything that day, and actually, I would probably call Kyouya later and tell him that I was sick — or something along those lines.<p>

I shifted, turning over so that I could look at the sleeping face of my twin. I couldn't help but smirk when I remembered everything that had happened last night. Surprisingly nothing had turned out confusing. At least it hadn't yet. I put my palm on Kaoru's cheek, stroking his face idly with my thumb. I wasn't too sure I wanted him to wake up. What would happen? Would he run away? Would he be angry with me? I wasn't even sure.

I sighed and closed my eyes. It really did feel good to be near him again. It was peaceful. I pushed myself closer to him so that I could return to sleep, not at all ready to wake up.

The second time I woke up and turned to look at my twin he was already awake, sitting up and looking to the side at nothing in particular. He had a thoughtful expression on his face, his lips pursed slightly. Without thinking I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him back down, tightening my grip just because I could. And maybe because I was still scared he would run away. I heard him laugh, though the sound stopped almost as soon as it had started.

Grinning, I rolled us over so that I was on top of him and looked down at him with a seemingly innocent expression. He only hesitated for a moment, before pulling his face up into a pout. Ah, the games were beginning. "Hikaru, let me go." He bit his bottom lip, and I realized that his innocent expression was by far better than my own. I narrowed my eyes at him, forcing myself not to give in to his act.

I bent down so that I was close enough to whisper in his ear, the infamous Hitachiin smirk adorning my face. "Say please."

If I had been paying close enough attention I probably would have heard the hitch in his breath, but I was too busy rejoicing in the fact that everything was going so well to notice. I felt his hands come up and lace themselves in my hair, which actually succeeded in making my smirk grow. It showed that he didn't really want to leave. He was just trying to tease me. I was secretly glad that he had never been good at being the taunting one. I was the one with experience; I was the one that knew his weaknesses.

"H— _Hikaru_.. Don't make me say it."

I held in a chuckle and instead ran a few teasing nips and kisses down his neck, earning a couple nice moans from him. He really always had been energetic. It was adorable. After ravishing his neck for a few minutes, I pulled up enough to look into his eyes, satisfied to see that his face was flushed.

"Hmm.." I took my time, running my hands down his body. I gave up on the innocent expression I had been using, deciding that the face belonged to Kaoru. Instead I used an expression that came natural to me. Mischievous. When Kaoru saw what I was doing his eyes widened and his mouth opened to protest, but by that time it was too late. Glad that there were no clothes to discard, because of last night, I ran my tongue tauntingly over his erection. Again I almost laughed when I saw him grow harder and his face flush even more.

I probably would have continued into a repeat of last night had I not heard a knock on the door, followed by the annoying voice of one of the maids;

"Hitachiin-sama, you have a guest."

I groaned and sat up, shooting a dirty look in the direction of the door. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kaoru smile. I was about to glare at him as well when he spoke, reminding me that it wasn't just me who could be mischievous. "Looks like we'll just have to finish this later, ne, Hikaru?"

I rolled my eyes, but otherwise took that to heart. So far everything seemed to be alright. Though I was slightly put off as to why he hadn't even tried to run away once, or shown a single sign of the past few days having ever happened.

"Yeah, we'll be out in a second! Go away!" It might have sounded rude to most people, but that was how I talked to the servants. I always had. It was how I had been raised and by now the maids were used to it. I might not be the most polite person, but hey — they got paid, so they had no room to complain.

I pushed myself from the bed and went over to Kaoru's closet, grabbing the first attractive outfit I saw and throwing it at him, before picking something out for myself. I didn't care that it wasn't my clothes. We were twins and it wasn't like anyone would notice. Once we were both dressed and ready we walked through the halls. I was faintly amused at knowing Kaoru was probably still turned on. I'd have to make use of that. The walk was silent and comfortable, the occasional gasp from Kaoru aside; I kept _accidentally_ brushing against him.

"I wonder who it is," Kaoru murmured, making me smirk. It really, truly felt good to be talking to him again, though I still wasn't too sure about why he was being so compliant.

"Probably Tono."

* * *

><p>Turns out I was right.<p>

When we got into the room where our alleged guest was waiting, we were greeted with the sight of none other then the Host Club King, Tamaki Suoh. Though I was still mad with him over him allowing the Neanderthal to become a host, I was — thankfully — used to Tamaki being an idiot. The thing that outraged me wasn't the sight of the blonde. Nope, it was the grinning idiot standing beside him, eyes trained on Kaoru.

Kouichi.

My eyes narrowed, and my hand automatically went out to grab Kaoru's, a wave of satisfaction running through me when he didn't pull away. Kouichi's grin faltered and that was enough to make me smirk. I quirked an eyebrow, turning my attention to Tamaki, though I pulled Kaoru closer to myself casually. More sadistic pleasure ran through me when the idiot's grin vanished completely.

"Yo, Tono. What do you want?" Tamaki, as eccentric as ever, clutched at his heart, mumbling something to himself along the lines of "_his sons finally paying attention to him_". I rolled my eyes and repeated my question and this time the blonde actually listened enough to answer. His expression grew a bit more serious and I was surprised to see that he seemed somewhat concerned.

"Hikaru, Kaoru, is everything alright between you two?"

Kaoru met my eyes for a second and I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. No, things weren't okay. As much as I wanted everything to be perfect, it wasn't. Nothing was solved yet. For some reason my twin had pushed me away and ran, and even though he didn't seem to be running anymore, there was still no denying it had all happened. Soon Kaoru and I would have to talk and I wasn't too sure how that would turn out.

I turned back to Tamaki and shrugged, an easy smile on my face, "What are you so concerned about, Tono? Are you secretly in love with us or something? I'll be sure to tell Haruhi..."

"Then you'll never have a chance of being with her," Kaoru finished, smirking as well.

Tamaki gasped, reverting back to his eccentric mode, his eyes growing wide. He pointed a shaking finger at us, his voice thoroughly louder then it needed to be. "You... You _demons_! How could I love two devils like you? I can't believe I was worried about you guys!" Though I was touched to hear that he was worried, I still didn't want him prying.

Kaoru and I continued teasing him for about ten minutes, insulting him in different languages, calling him a pervert, taunting him. It was actually pretty fun. It was only when Kouichi cleared his throat that things got serious, and Tamaki finally told us that he had another reason for coming here.

He explained that since Kouichi was a member of the Host Club it was our responsibly to take care of him. We found out that he had actually transferred from Osaka (at which I laughed) and that, though he wasn't a commoner, he still needed a place to stay. The Suoh family had originally planned on housing him, but Tamaki's grandmother had taken one look at Kouichi and turned him down (I had also laughed at that). I was in a thoroughly good mood until Tamaki spoke again, this time his words making me frown.

"—so Kouichi will be staying with you two! Isn't that great? You'll be just like a family!"


	9. Foreplay

To say that the next day was _uncomfortable_ would be an understatement. Kaoru didn't run away from me once, but I had a feeling not all of that was his choice. If he left my side for a moment I was sure Kouichi would approach him. Though me being near my twin still didn't deter the idiot, as he always found a way to put his hands on Kaoru. Which, of course, would always end up with me exploding — and then Kaoru would have to come calm me down. After that everything would repeat.

I eventually got angry enough to pull Kaoru into my lap, refusing to let him go, so that I could glare at Kouichi. Kaoru grabbed one of my hands idly, to keep me calm, I think. It worked some and I rested my chin on his shoulder, my eyes still trained on the brunette, who was currently sitting in a big comfy chair across from my twin and I. _My_ big comfy chair. One of my big comfy chairs, at least.

That was actually probably the most strained moment between all of us. No one spoke. It was mainly just stares, thoughts, and the movement of Kaoru shifting around in my lap (which, might I add, did nothing to help my restraint on not ravaging him). It was only after about an hour of that awkwardness had passed that I finally decided to speak up.

"So, Kouichi..." I trailed off, not at all sure what to say, or what I wanted to talk about.

"What do you want?" His voice was dull, bored. Which succeeded in making my anger rise again. We were allowing him to stay at our estate. Maybe not out of the pure goodness of our heart, but still — he had a roof over his head. He could at least pretend to be a little more appreciative.

Sensing my temper, Kaoru spoke, though even he sounded a bit agitated, "Kouichi-kun, I think Hikaru was just going to say that it's about time we all went to sleep. One of the maids will show you to your room."

He rolled his eyes, but otherwise didn't complain. Maybe he actually had enough common sense not to push me any further. I couldn't help but smirking and moving forward to latch onto Kaoru's neck, earning a small gasp out of him.

Though I couldn't see his face I was almost positive he was blushing. This was just too easy.

Fortunately for Kouichi, I didn't go any farther than that and instead stood up, catching Kaoru when he fell from my lap, my smirk only growing. For some reason all of the anger from today had me feeling particularly evil. I shot one look at Kouichi, who was glaring at me with narrowed eyes, and finally lost it, letting out a chuckle. It felt good to be sadistic at the moment when everything felt so out of my control.

I was used to getting what I wanted when I wanted it. It might not be a good trait but it was true. I was spoiled. So was Kaoru. We were Hitachiins and our names were to be respected. Since this last week had been so hectic and utterly unstoppable, I was doing basically anything I could to gain back some leverage, even if those things meant playing dirty.

I felt my twin move closer to my side and I was astonished at how that single action managed to make my heart pound faster. No, I still wasn't used to having him near me again. A day away from him was too much, let alone what I had gone through.

"I wasn't talking about sleep, Kaoru. Sure, the idiot can go suffocate himself in blankets, but I had something a little more erotic planned for you." Though I mainly said that to irritate Kouichi, I still saw Kaoru's face flush again, his lips turning downward in that adorable little pout he had mastered ages ago. It really wasn't fair that he could seem so innocent, yet when _I_ tried I only came off as plotting. Hah. Looks like little Kaoru really was more sinister than he let on; because I knew for a fact he really wasn't _that_ innocent. Just because I knew the truth didn't mean his expression didn't affect me, though. I felt heat pooling through my veins, sparking my body to life.

"Get a fucking room," Kouichi muttered under his breath, shooting a dark glare in our direction.

"Heh. Now that you've suggested it, I'll think about it." I paused for a few seconds and shifted my smirk into a thoughtful smile, raising an eyebrow at the brunette bemusedly. He was making this too easy. "Done! I think I'd much rather take advantage of my dear little Kaoru right here. You can stay and watch if you want."

Kaoru caught my gaze for a second, giving just the smallest nod of his head. Oho, so he was going to play along? What would he say if he realized that this wasn't a game? I really did want to take advantage of him right here and I didn't give a damn who saw. I was just so full of mixed emotions that I wanted to do something, _anything_. If I could get back at Kouichi while still keeping Kaoru next to me then all the better.

"Niisan, don't tease me in front of our guest," Kaoru said, his voice lowered into a theatrical whisper, just loud enough to echo throughout the room.

My face lit up and in a slow and deliberate movement I pushed Kaoru back into the seat I had just stood from, spreading his legs with my own and placing my knee in between his thighs. He took a deep breath and swallowed, averting his promising golden eyes from my own. I let out a low chuckle and crawled more on to him, purposely rubbing against him.

"Ugh," Kouichi groaned from behind us, no doubt scowling at the sight of Kaoru's pleasured expression. That's what he gets. Kaoru was mine, even if he didn't know it yet, and I wasn't going to let some idiot from Osaka take him from me. Hitachiins always won and that was something Kouichi was going to have to learn the hard way.

Once I brought my attention back to Kaoru, I noticed he was biting his bottom lip in that adorable little habit he always had when he was holding something in — which in this case was undoubtedly a moan. I shook my head at his cuteness and refocused on teasing him, nipping at his earlobe before leaving a light bite on his neck. The combined pleasure of me giving him attention as well as rubbing against his erection earned a sharp intake of air.

"Please." It was a whisper, a breathy one, and it came from Kaoru. I pulled away from his neck to smirk at him, only to realize that he had his eyes closed and his lips parted, heated puffs of air escaping him. He honestly did get excited easily, if he was already reacting like this from such a small amount of foreplay. That or he was_ really_ horny. That thought alone was enough to make me focus on him again. My hand trailed down him, leaving playful patterns on his chest before I finally came down and palmed his heat, just a tad bit irritated that we both still had our clothes on.

"Off," I demanded, my voice sounding childishly stubborn as I tugged at his pants.

Kaoru opened his eyes to look at me questioningly, the flush on his face deepening as he realized what I meant. He sent a stare in Kouichi's direction, the action enough for me to understand that he didn't want to be watched. I sighed and captured Kaoru's mouth in a frustrated kiss, glad that his lips parted automatically for me. After doing my best to communicate what I was feeling — something I wasn't even sure of — I pulled away and stood up, crossing my arms over my chest angrily. I didn't even try to hide my arousal. It wasn't a secret. "_Fine_. Come on."

He hesitated for a moment before standing up. He didn't try to hide, either, though I knew for a fact that he didn't like being seen while he was so vulnerable. Naive little Kaoru and his trepidations. I flashed one last victory smirk in Kouichi's direction and decided to momentarily forget about what had happened this last week. I could talk to Kaoru about all that tomorrow. Or after Kouichi was gone. Either was good with me.

"Hey, idiot, maybe you should go to sleep now? I suggest asking the maids for a room far away from Kaoru's, because he's going to be making a lot of noise here pretty soon. He's pretty vocal!"

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><p><strong>AN**

**Ohhey, look at that! I finally updated, haha. Been a while, hasn't it? I basically abandoned this story during summer break orz. Sorry about that. But at least I'm still updating, right?**


	10. What was mine

When we got back to the room and closed the door behind us, I pinned Kaoru against the wall, anxiety suddenly running through my veins. Was this really the right thing to do without talking first? What if this was considered taking advantage of him? What if he hated me? _What if_—? He seemed pretty pliant now, while I was grinding against him and leaving marks on his neck, claiming him, but that could just be his lust.

Then again, I knew my twin well enough — despite his recent actions confusing me — to know he wouldn't do something like this without wanting to. He wasn't like me and didn't do things impulsively. He'd regret it for ages and never let himself forget it. He was a martyr like that, even though he didn't know it. So, with the intention of still ravaging him in my mind, I pulled away, a little amused when he whimpered in protest.

I took a deep breath and met his identical eyes, amazed that we could actually look the same. We had always been different. We were two sides of a coin. And that's why we were perfect for each other. That thought alone took my breath away, because I finally realized it, finally admitted it. We were perfect together, as Hikaru and Kaoru. As Hitachiins, brothers, twins,_ lovers_. Judgments be damned; I didn't care what the world thought.

I didn't care what anyone thought except my other half. He was the only one that mattered. Well, being less dramatic, I did care what a few certain people thought, but I trusted our friends enough to hope that they would accept us as we were. Even if they were a little.. disturbed. And if they didn't accept us? I still had my twin.

All of that settled, what was left was _Kaoru_.

Who was now looking at me curiously and a little fearfully, probably aware of the confrontation I was about to start. He spoke, his words quiet, a whisper, a plead, begging;

"Don't."

"Why not?"

"It's not right," He shook his head, his face still flushed with arousal, and wouldn't meet my eyes. Those few words tore at me, but I wasn't backing down.

"Who says?" I challenged, because if anyone was going to try to take my twin away from me they'd have to deal with me first. That counted for Kaoru, too, as he was trying to pull himself away from me. As naive and slow to catch onto things as I was, I felt kind of stupid for just barely noticing all of this.

No wonder Haruhi had been mad at us both.

No wonder Tamaki, the idiot, had been worried.

_They knew_. They knew before either of us did. Well... They knew before I did. Kaoru probably knew all along. Or at least I was hoping he did, because why else would he have done all of this? My eyes were suddenly hard and my grip on him tightened, angry and just as frightened as he seemed to be. I didn't want him to leave me. I didn't want him to push me away. I just wanted_ him_, I _wanted_ him,_ I wanted him_. Damn it, why was it taking me this long to get hold of the resolve I normally always had?

That didn't need to be answered. I knew why. I had always had my resolve because I had always had Kaoru by my side. With him not there I hadn't known what to do. He _was_ my resolve. I had been lost. And even though he was fighting it now, he was by my side, in my arms, _mine_.

I asked the question again, pressing, my tone hard enough to make him flinch — something I instantly regretted despite my frustration, "Who says?"

"You."

"_When?_"

He has no answer to that. Because I've never said anything of the sort. I'd never say that. I'd never see anything wrong with being with Kaoru, my literal other half. I'd never question it. Though it had taken me ages to realize how intense this all was, I wouldn't have cared.

Stupid, thoughtful, Kaoru, though, had thought about it all. He had considered my feelings — did he have feelings of his own? Surely all of this meant he did, right? — and he had thought I would push him away because of them. And to defend himself, to defend me also, he had done the pushing himself. My naive twin brother was too thoughtful. He was too considerate. And that's why I loved him. He was Kaoru. My Kaoru. Mine.

"Don't you see?" My words were a whisper, and I rested my head on his shoulder, letting out a shaky breath. "I love you, Kaoru."

His own breath left him, and instead of freezing or retaliating like earlier, he simply shook. And it was only when I looked up that I realized he was crying. I smiled weakly and brushed my lips against his face, wiping away his tears. Then I kissed him, this time without the hard lust from earlier. He needed to know this was real.

I needed to know this was real.

Was it really okay now?

Was it alright?

The kiss started out without lust, I'm certain of that. With his lips against mine, though, and the heat from earlier still pulsing through me, I couldn't help myself. And things just sort of happened. We stumbled toward the bed and, since I was closest, my knees gave out against the mattress, Kaoru falling down on top of me. Not for long, however. I rolled us over, devouring his lips, his taste, him. He really was mine. I wasn't letting him escape.

I pushed at his shirt distractedly, too lazy to actually pull it off. So instead my hands wondered down, under his waistline and into his pants, brushing against his already half-hard erection.

My lips pulled away and I smirked for a split second, eyes roaming his expression hungrily._ My_ Kaoru was the most erotic thing I'd ever seen. He was better than any of the porn him and I had ever watched when we were curious; he was better than any fantasies I'd ever had; he was better than everyone and everything else. He was Kaoru and I was Hikaru, and we were the Hitachiin twins — we completed each other.

My thumb rubbed against the head of his length playfully, and me attacking his lips again was all it took for him to become completely hard, completely lost in the emotion. All it took for me was hearing him moan. Which he did. A lot. Though he was trying to hold it in, I could tell, being the naive little brother he is. I chuckled against his lips and pulled my hand out of his pants, grinding my heat against his own. My breath caught, my eyes lidded, and when I focused again I noticed Kaoru's dazed eyes trained on me, his mouth open, attempting to catch his breath.

And he whispered between broken breaths, his words catching when I'd suddenly move against him, causing deliciously satisfying friction, managing to get his words out somehow, anyways.

"I love you, too. I love you, Hikaru. I love you."

That was all I needed to hear. With that, all my control was gone. Kaoru was the reason behind every thing, the reason why I move, breathed, and the reason why I couldn't think.

Best of all?

_He was mine._


	11. Explanations

**A/N: I tried my best for the explanation to make sense, but since this is from Hikaru's POV it's hard to really understand what Kaoru was thinking. So there will be more explanations and hints at it throughout the other chapters, as well. **

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><p>There was no better feeling in the world than waking up with my twin in my arms. The fact that a certain brunette leech that I couldn't get rid of (because of the dramatic Host Club King who I, unfortunately, held a small bit of respect for) was bumming in our mansion hardly made a difference. I knew that Kaoru didn't like Kouichi, not enough for him to be a problem, but that didn't stop it from being irritating. My little twin wasn't a pushover and I knew that. He had a will that was probably stronger than mine, hence our recent confusing problems, and he wouldn't let Kouichi touch him unless there was something going on. And there had been. Kaoru had been avoiding me. That was all, right?<p>

Then there was the twin in question. Things weren't alright yet, but they would be soon. We still had some talking to do, some questions that needed to be answered - like just why Kaoru had pushed me away. I had my theories, but he needed to say it with his own mouth.

I heaved out a sigh and squeezed my other half closer to me, burying my head in his neck. His breathing was even, but he had always been better at controlling himself than me. That's why people always deemed him the responsible one. Truth is, he was just a better actor when it came to masking his emotions. Sometimes I didn't know whether that was a good thing or not.

He didn't need to hide things from _me_. He never needed to hide things from me. So I'd make sure he didn't.

He shifted a bit and let out a yawn, alerting me to him being awake, but instead of pulling away to look at him I just squeezed him impossibly tighter, enjoying the warmth he gave off, and the feeling of him against me. He laughed quietly, his soft voice clear with amusement, and I couldn't help but smile. It was perfect like this. No words, no problems, no worries, just the two of us. That's all it took for me to be satisfied.

But like I settled, things _weren't_ alright yet. They would be. Just not right now. So when Kaoru pulled away, not as coldly as his last times, and smiled hesitantly at me, I braced myself for what we had to get over with. He honestly looked a bit scared, his eyes heavy with guilt, but at the same time he wasn't running away. My little Kaoru was being brave.

I grinned at him, hands going out to pull him to me once again, not satisfied unless he was in my arms. We could talk like this. At least I thought so. He protested, letting out a little whine, but otherwise laughed again, his movements still laced with anxiety. So, taking on the role of responsible brother for once, I spoke first, "Kaoru?" He hummed a little under his breath as a reply, telling me he was listening, and I continued, heart pounding. "Why did you do it?"

He sighed against me, I felt it, before answering me shakily, probably resigned to the fact that I wasn't letting him get away. I was the stubborn one. "I.. Hikaru, do you understand what all of this means?" He paused for a few seconds, waiting for me to answer - though I didn't, instead nudging him to continue, "I love you. I always have, and because of that I-"

This time I interrupted him, a thoughtful frown turning my lips downward, pulling away just a bit to look into his eyes, arms still wrapped around him. "How long?"

"Huh?"

"How long is 'I always have'? How long have you known that you felt that way?" At the question he simply smiled, eyes glossy, puffing out an idle breath.

"I've known I loved you since we were children. We're twins, you know. But for feeling_ that_ way.. I knew a few years ago." I nodded at that, mentally cursing him for being such an observant and thoughtful person, yet physically pulling him closer once_ again_, because I loved him despite it all.

"You're kind of stupid, Kaoru." He laughed, mumbling something along the lines of "Not as stupid as you" at which I bit down on his shoulder, proudly earning a gasp from him - which made _me_ laugh. "Go on, then," I prompted, "Explain."

He rolled his eyes at me, biting his lip in amusement. "Whatever." He sighed, before smiling sheepishly once again. "It really wasn't a problem when I realized how I felt, because at the time it was just you and me. Us and them. There was no one else in our world. But when we joined the Host Club, things changed. Tono, the idiot that he is, opened up our worlds. He cracked our fairy tale and finally Haruhi came and dug her hands into that crack, prying us into reality. That really didn't bother me at first.. I still had you. But then I realized that you wouldn't move on with your life unless I.." He trailed off, drawing in a shaky breath. "You wouldn't actually live if I were here holding you back with my selfish feelings. I didn't care if people found out about me - that was fine - but your life would be ruined if I pulled you back into our world.. So I just stopped. I decided that you wouldn't make the first move, so I'd have to."

I was silent for a moment at that, running a hand through his hair comfortingly, waiting for him to stop shaking. And when he did I met his golden eyes resolutely, a slight glare on my face. "Idiot." Normally he was he one calling me that (and I really couldn't dispute it) but this just made me angry. The thing was, I wasn't even angry at him! I was just angry that he would think something like that! "You need to stop doing things like that, Kaoru. Why are you the one who gets to decide what I want? When did you start controlling where I wanted my life to go? I can think for myself. I know what I want."

He didn't meet my eyes, face ridden with guilt, but I continued anyways. "I want _you_. I've always only wanted you. Sure, our world has opened up a bit, but that's to be expected, right? It doesn't mean that I'm going to leave you. Nothing could make me leave you, idiot.. I love you, Kaoru. Didn't you realize that the first time I told you?"

He leaned his forehead onto my shoulder, one of his hands grabbing mine to soothe out the fist I hadn't even realized I'd clenched. "I'm sorry, Hikaru. Are you mad at me?"

"Yes." _No_. "But it's alright. It's alright now, it really is. Just stop thinking so much, okay? I'm the eldest, remember? Let me be a big brother and take care of you."

I swear I could hear him pout at that, "You're only older by a few minutes and you know it! That doesn't affect how mature you are. Besides, I don't want you to take care of me as a brother.. Just take care of me as the person you love, kay?"

I smirked, "But Kaoru, you are my brother still. You're my twin. You're the person I came into this world with, the person I've spent every day with, and the person that I love the most. You're mine. My Kaoru." Before he had a chance to respond to that, the door to the room swung open and Kouichi barged in, a sinister look on his less-than-perfect face. He was wearing different clothes than yesterday, though I hadn't seen him come with any luggage. The servants must have gotten him something to wear. When he saw the two of us embracing he glared even harder, not able to tell who was who at that moment, since we hadn't gotten dressed in different clothing like we normally do on off-days (we were actually both not wearing _anything_, but that was for another time), the blankets hiding everything but our chests.

So I stuck my tongue out at Kouichi (like the mature big brother I was) and turned back to Kaoru, smiling. Seems he knew what I was thinking, because this time he was the one who leaned forward and captured my lips, tongue diving in to explore.

We'd probably have gone farther, Kouichi be damned, if it hadn't been for our personal maids (who also happened to be twins) knocking on the already open door to alert us to their presence, expressionless aside from the small shine of amusement in their own eyes. They were probably Kaoru and I's favorite servants for the fact that we could somewhat relate to them.

"Excuse us, young masters," they began, the one on the right continuing, "but since you both slept in so late you missed breakfast." The shared a look, the one on the left talking, "We didn't want to interrupt you, since you seemed to have been fighting recently." Kaoru and I smirked at that, and I raised an eyebrow, motioning for them to continue. And they did, perfectly in sync in a way that was almost on par with Kaoru and I.

"You have a few guests downstairs. Lunch is served."


End file.
